christmas crutches

i remember when i didnt live in the land of the governator, but of his predator co-star and former pro-wrestler, jessie “the body” ventura.  he was doing an interview for playboy and said something to the effect that religion is a crutch for those who are too weak.

i was outraged.  what was he talking about!?!?!  living for god is powerful!  my faith isnt weak!  i just started to know what it means to live with and for god and this seemed to go against everything i stood for.

but a now, a few years later i realize that mr. ventura was right.  religion is a crutch.  it is a wheelchair.  christianity is all about dying to ourselves so we can live.  yes, we have life in its fullest, and of course there is that thing about eternal life, but it is all about us relying on christ.  seeing ourselves as were are.  finite.  messed up.  sick.  needing a doctor.

i wish it got easier.  often i see religious people act as they have it all together.  they get their seminary degree and have something to talk about and a degree to prove it.  now they “know” how to live so they can tell others how to think and how to live.  it is their duty to talk for god.  the longer they are christians, the more they seem to know what it means to be holy. 

this makes me sad.  it seems the longer i am in the faith, the easier it is for me to think i got it.  the more tempted i am to give an answer instead of truly listening to what people say.  the easier it is to choose the law over love.  the easier it is to define whom my neighbor is.  the easier it is to justify my sins. 

and the longer i live within the context of christianity, the more i begin to identify myself as the people jesus is so frusterated at in the gospels.  after being liberated by jesus i sometimes see myself in jesus’ stories as the religious oppressor.

yet, as i lean on my divine crutch, i know i am safe.  i am not safe from the people i hurt, but safe in the fact i am messed up.  i will always be messed up.  i will always mess up.  but just realizing more how i mess up and how i am messed up, gives me so much freedom to run back to god.  to further understand god’s heart.  to learn what it means to follow him.  to learn what it means to love as god loves.  to ask for forgiveness from those i sin against. 

 i need this crutch.  i have been a christian for almost eight years and i still need this doctor.  the longer i am a christian, the more i realize how much i need god.  in everything. 

religious people are really funny.  it is interesting how christians say they sin everyday, yet are so hesitant to name their sins.  they can name other people’s sins with passion, but they rarely name theirs.  and if they do name a sin, it is usually in terms of  inner formation and nondescriptive  such as having pride or not relying on God that seem accepted in christian circles instead of naming specific instances where they resisted the urgings of the holy spirit, ignored someone for their personal gain, or purposefully manipulationed a situation.  when was the last time you heard a pastor confessing their sins to a congregation? 

i pray this christmas we see how messed up we are.  as we celebrate immanuel, god amongst us, we let god into everything.  that we let god be our crutch.  that we let god be our doctor.  and that we rest in god taking care of all our mess.  no matter if we have just started to follow jesus or if we have for decades. 

and that we celebrate how messed up we are.