the story we live

donald miller is one meghan’s and my favorite authors.  his writing is simple, reflective, and hilarious.  so meghan and i were so excited to find out that his new book came out while we were staying in portland, where miller lives.  those who know me know i have a heart for the cliche and corny at times.  i cant help it.  it is fun.

so meghan and i made miller’s new book release something of elegance.  we bought it at the famous powell’s used bookstore (which by the way is a full city block and someone could get lose in it for hours).  we went to reed college and other places he named in blue like jazz.  we went to fun granola coffee shops and read his new book while people watching.  i wonder what donald would think if he knew we planned a bunch of our honeymoon based off his book.  maybe creepy.  maybe he would laugh.

anyways, his new book has been such a blessing on my life.   rob bell writes his endorsement on the back of the book about how when reading this book, the book begins to read you.  i couldn’t agree more. the book is very reflective and hit me at a time where i am ready to be reflective.  i got married less than a week ago and today i turn an age i am not very excited about.  so my coffee in hand, i dove into this book as the book dove deep within me.

the book is about the concept of story.  we all know a good story.  just look at our facebook pages and we list our favorite books, movies, and tv shows.  we know what we like and we know the characters we like within the stories.  but rarely do we see ourselves at characters within a story or characters with a story.  and he is neither talking about in the magical sense you get in the movies nor is throwing some self help garbage at the reader.  miller is talking about our place in god’s story.  not just that god has plans for us and all that jazz, but that we understand our place in god’s story and that as god created us, we can create within the story.

sadly, i think most people, myself often included, do not know where we fit in the story and often don’t want to have the responsibility of it takes to be in a story.  Miller writes that he wonders “if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don’t want the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgement.  we don’t want to be characters in a story because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage.  And if life isn’t remarkable, then we don’t have to do any of that; we can be unwilling victims rather than grateful participants.”  if we acknowledge our true roles we will have real responsibilities and watching tv for hours a day will no longer be a suitable way to participate in the story.  so many of the meaningless things i do can no longer substitute or keep me from engaging the fear from my responsibilities and conflict resulting from taking my place in the story.

part way through reading this book, i started to reflect on my life.  i really love my life.  there have been lots of ups and lots of downs but overall i like my story.  at the same time, i don’t think i really know my story.  what i mean is i know who i am and i know some things that have happened to me and therefore i act based on that experience.  but i want to know more on why i am the way i am.  i want to know even little things like why do i flinch so much.  why have i never really cared about the american dream.  why do i cry so easily.  why when i get emotional.  why do i have my insecurities and what holds me back from diving deep within them.

i know some will see this as futile and some will see this as narcissistic, but i have decided to go back and exam my entire life (sounds more ignatian).  if i want to know the story i am living, i need to know what has made me in order to move forward.  rather know myself really to know my story.  christians often believe that when they die they go through their entire life before god and some christians believe they merely talk about it and others believe every action is judged  but i wonder how many people will even remember most of that stuff when going through it with god.  we get so busy that we don’t really remember but i am ready to remember.

for the next couple of months i am going to focus on different periods of my life and write down everything i remember from that year and or years.  i want to remember and feel all the good things that happened but i also want to remember and feel all the bad. i want to feel things even if i am still confused on what happened.  i want to feel my first accomplishment as a child and my first failure.  i want to remember the first time i had weird feelings towards girl and getting my heart broken.  i want to remember when i first started to believe in god and why i thought that god was jesus.  i want to remember the first time i realized that the american dream is really a nightmare and the first time i realized i love to work with children and their families.

thank you for being part of my story.