With all my Christmas love, I was shocked to hear a few years ago about a war on Christmas.  I was still celebrating and I heard no gunfire so I was quite amazed to hear about this war.  Many people I know started to tell me how they couldn’t believe that some companies no longer actively advertised about Christmas, and instead advertised about the holidays in general.  I’ll never forget one time when I left one of my friends a voicemail, I received a call back from him a little angry because I said “happy holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” at the end of my message.  To him, I became one of those..

I guess I just don’t get it.  I don’t get why many Christians in the United States that I meet think there is a war or that they are persecuted for being a Christian.

I love early Christianity.  I am not one of those pie in the sky dreamers who thinks that there were no problems in the early church.  Just look at Paul’s letters and John’s Revelation and you realize that from the start, there were problems in the church.  But one of the things I love about early church history is that even though it went through intense persecution, the church continued to grow.  People were dying for their faith, yet the church continued to grow.

That is part of the reason I recoil when people in the United States say the church is persecuted.  I will never forget when I talked to some representatives of a well known Christian ministry and they told me that Christians are the biggest targets of prejudice in the United States.  Maybe I have been lucky, but I have been pretty open about my faith and have worked at a church the past four years in San Francisco.  Rarely, has anyone even been rude to me about my beliefs and/or the way I live my life.  Most people are really nice about it and lots of people want me to tell them more.  Some people make jokes but I could really care less.

I hope as American Christians, we look at our past and realize what persecution is really about.  I hope we look at other people in society and understand persecution a little bit clearer (persecution is all around us).  I hope we look globally and see what many of our Christian brothers and sisters are going through and begin to pray for the persecuted church.

And this year I hope that if Christians really believe there is a war (or even if they don’t) on Christmas, instead of fighting back with words, we live the message of Christmas.  I pray that we live as if Immanuel is actually amongst us.  I pray that we see his proclamation about the kingdom of God being in our midst not as some nice words to study but an invitation to join Christ in his kingdom work.  Instead of forcing the words “Christmas” on anything, lets live the Christmas story.

And when I say the Christmas story, I am not referring to the movie

the first stop is on mount moriah and the intense story of abraham being told by God to sacrifice isaac.  in some senses, i hate this story.  i hate this story because it is often pushed aside because it is so impossibly hard to comprehend.  isn’t it interesting reading this story with a smile in a church service with families there.  i wonder what people are really thinking when this story is read.  could God really want this?  what is God really doing?  what would happen to me if God asked that today?  one of the reasons i love working with children is because they are so honest.  while this is a common sunday school story, kids always understand that something intense is going on and ask how God could ever do this.  if only adults didn’t lose this childlike wonder and open honesty about the tough parts of the Bible.

sure, i understand this story does look forward to God sacrificing His Son.  yes, I know that it was only a test.  but still, this story is hard to stomach.  abraham has followed God from his homeland and was promised to be the father of many people and now this God, this Voice that he has been hearing seems to be going back on that promise.  what could God really be thinking here!?!  can you imagine the three day journey with your son, thinking about what is to happen in a few short days,.  i am sure abraham didn’t eat much on that trip.  yet, abraham follows God.  abraham trusts God even when it seems like God is going back on His word.  abraham doesn’t have a Bible to reread over verses to be comforted or many others people to rely on.  he relies solely on the Voice he heard speak.  abraham lets God be in control, even when he can’t comprehend at all what is happening.

peterson argues “the way of abraham continues today along these same lines.  somewhere along the way we realize that we are not in charge of our own lives.  the life of faith does not consist in imposing our will (or God’s will?) either on other persons or on the material world around us.  instead of making the world around us or the people around us or our own selves into the image of what we think is good, we enter the lifelong process of no longer arranging the world and people on our terms.  we embrace what is given to us-people, spouse, children, forests, weather, city- just as they are given to us, and sit and stare, look and listen until we begin to see and hear the God-dimensions in each gift, and engage with what God has given, with what He is doing.  Every time we set out, leaving our self-defined or culture defined state, leaving behind our partial and immature projects, a wider vista opens up before us, a landscape larger with promise” (45).

obviously, abraham had a relationship with God stronger than the few references we see in the Bible.  abraham knew God when God spoke, and by the time of mount moriah abraham knew that there was no use in trying to follow his own way.  abraham failed in egypt and failed every time we see in the Bible when he takes things into his own hands.  abraham has decided to follow God no matter what.  abraham’s reality is solidly based on God’s.  at the moment God spoke, abraham was ready.

i pray that as followers of Jesus, we are open when God speaks.  sometimes it is inconvenient.  sometimes the message is confusing.  but i pray that no matter what the message is, we are ready for God to speak and are faithful to what God says no matter what.  this is the faith of abraham.  this is ultimately the faith and way of Jesus as he was faithful even to death on a cross.

It is a weird time in the western Christian church.  There is continuing debate about the priorities of God.  What is it that God really cares about?  What is our purpose as believers and ambassadors of God?  What is our role in this present age while we wait in hope for the new heaven and new earth?

These questions cannot and shouldn’t be answered in one setting let alone one blog.  But as a believer in God’s revelation through the scriptures, I argue they should be a main avenue to answer these questions.

One way to discern what a person cares about is to see what makes them mad.  This is no different with God.  When God is mad, it is for a reason.  God is mad because his people are not living the way they are supposed to.  In the verses above, God is angry that people are oppressing others.  Some are becoming rich and the rich are keeping the poor trapped in systems of poverty.

Sound familiar?

In the States, we have the same problem.  The problem is not that some people become rich.  Money can be a good thing is used properly.  The problem is that when a person becomes rich, there is a temptation to become even more rich.  Again, not necessarily a bad thing.  But it becomes bad when material wealth is made at the expense of the poor.  The ways people make their money rarely heed thought to the poor or promote the cause of the most vulnerable in society.

I pray that we as a society begin to question if how we make our money is ethical.  I also pray that we begin to seek if the companies we give our money to are performing in ethical ways.

Because, as we see in Jeremiah, God calls these people, the people not defending the poor and the vulnerable wicked.  Let us not be a people that participates in such wickedness.

I decided this summer to focus heavily on the book of Jeremiah.  There is something about Jeremiah that has always intrigued me.  Maybe it is because I always heard him referred to as “the crying prophet.”  I like anyone who cries, especially a man who cries.  It is still not cool for most men to cry.  You never see Dirty Harry crying.

Yet I cry all the time.  My heart is constantly breaking.  There is so much injustice in the world and I see it everyday on the streets in San Francisco.  I have friends who seem to sabotage themselves on purpose just when they are about to break a vicious cycle that is keeping them captive.

Life is tough and God created me with a heart that feels.  That is why I relate to people like Jeremiah and even to Jesus.  They are people that feel.

Right in the beginning of Jeremiah’s life, the word of the LORD came to him saying:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.  I appointed you as a prophet to the nations” -Jeremiah 1:5

A dialogue ensues about Jeremiah’s call.  Jeremiah tells God that he is too young, but God tells him he must go everywhere that He calls him to.

Jeremiah had a direct call, but it was a very private call.  The commentary I was reading says:

“No one could confirm or deny that he possessed this calling; it was between himself and God.  Just as certainly however no one could prove or disprove the truth of his prophecies save the events themselves about which they testified.  It was a supremely private even to Jeremiah, while at the same time public, national, and ultimately international in its significance and consequences” (Clements pg 16)

Lately I have been thinking a bit about truth.  I know what I believe on many things, especially a lot of things about God.  These convictions have been formed, shaped, and molded throughout my life by a myriad of things (the Bible, travel, personal experience(s), etc).  I try to position myself in a way as an active learner, humbly wanting to grow.  I try to listen to what people have to say before I react.  And when I question something I pray about it and bounce my questions off others.

Yet lately, I have come across a lot of people that tell me they have it all figured out.  This ranges from views of God, the Bible, politics, being a good husband, how to balance money, etc.  It doesn’t bother me when people say they have it figured out as much as it does when people tell me why I don’t agree with them.  Sometimes it is because I am too young.  Other times it is because I am naive.  A few times recently people have told me the devil has screwed with my thoughts.  Why is honest dialogue so hard?  Why instead of telling me why what I think is wrong do people not listen first?  Why do we react defensively instead of seeing if what other people say comes from God?

This is so hard on me.  It is not hard on me that people disagree with me.  It is hard on me because I am sensitive.  It is hard on me because I care.  It is hard on me because I believe in what God has spoken to me with me whole heart.  I am not worried about something knocking me off my convictions.  But my heart breaks when people cannot dialogue, especially about convictions.  How can we be a people that actively listens to each other without pushing each other away, even when what they are saying is controversial?

Jeremiah had a deep calling.  This calling was one that many people questioned throughout his life.  Is it any wonder that many in the Bible like Amos, Jeremiah, Micah, Micaiah, Paul and even Jesus were called heretics.  It is easy to hate those that disrupt the status quo.  It is hard when people call out the things being done in the name of God are not of God.

Some people are lucky and see the people change their hearts and hear what they were actually saying.  Others, like Jeremiah, didn’t see much change at all.  Jeremiah lived his calling in a time when Jerusalem was sacked by the Babylonians.  He pleaded with the people to changed their ways.  He cried for his people as his city was burned.  He lamented as his people were taken into captivity.

Jeremiah’s call, while doubted by many, was true.  I pray that when God speaks to us, we hold true to what He is calling us to.  Even if our hearts break in the process.

so meghan and i made miller’s new book release something of elegance.  we bought it at the famous powell’s used bookstore (which by the way is a full city block and someone could get lose in it for hours).  we went to reed college and other places he named in blue like jazz.  we went to fun granola coffee shops and read his new book while people watching.  i wonder what donald would think if he knew we planned a bunch of our honeymoon based off his book.  maybe creepy.  maybe he would laugh.

anyways, his new book has been such a blessing on my life.   rob bell writes his endorsement on the back of the book about how when reading this book, the book begins to read you.  i couldn’t agree more. the book is very reflective and hit me at a time where i am ready to be reflective.  i got married less than a week ago and today i turn an age i am not very excited about.  so my coffee in hand, i dove into this book as the book dove deep within me.

the book is about the concept of story.  we all know a good story.  just look at our facebook pages and we list our favorite books, movies, and tv shows.  we know what we like and we know the characters we like within the stories.  but rarely do we see ourselves at characters within a story or characters with a story.  and he is neither talking about in the magical sense you get in the movies nor is throwing some self help garbage at the reader.  miller is talking about our place in god’s story.  not just that god has plans for us and all that jazz, but that we understand our place in god’s story and that as god created us, we can create within the story.

sadly, i think most people, myself often included, do not know where we fit in the story and often don’t want to have the responsibility of it takes to be in a story.  Miller writes that he wonders “if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don’t want the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgement.  we don’t want to be characters in a story because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage.  And if life isn’t remarkable, then we don’t have to do any of that; we can be unwilling victims rather than grateful participants.”  if we acknowledge our true roles we will have real responsibilities and watching tv for hours a day will no longer be a suitable way to participate in the story.  so many of the meaningless things i do can no longer substitute or keep me from engaging the fear from my responsibilities and conflict resulting from taking my place in the story.

part way through reading this book, i started to reflect on my life.  i really love my life.  there have been lots of ups and lots of downs but overall i like my story.  at the same time, i don’t think i really know my story.  what i mean is i know who i am and i know some things that have happened to me and therefore i act based on that experience.  but i want to know more on why i am the way i am.  i want to know even little things like why do i flinch so much.  why have i never really cared about the american dream.  why do i cry so easily.  why when i get emotional.  why do i have my insecurities and what holds me back from diving deep within them.

i know some will see this as futile and some will see this as narcissistic, but i have decided to go back and exam my entire life (sounds more ignatian).  if i want to know the story i am living, i need to know what has made me in order to move forward.  rather know myself really to know my story.  christians often believe that when they die they go through their entire life before god and some christians believe they merely talk about it and others believe every action is judged  but i wonder how many people will even remember most of that stuff when going through it with god.  we get so busy that we don’t really remember but i am ready to remember.

for the next couple of months i am going to focus on different periods of my life and write down everything i remember from that year and or years.  i want to remember and feel all the good things that happened but i also want to remember and feel all the bad. i want to feel things even if i am still confused on what happened.  i want to feel my first accomplishment as a child and my first failure.  i want to remember the first time i had weird feelings towards girl and getting my heart broken.  i want to remember when i first started to believe in god and why i thought that god was jesus.  i want to remember the first time i realized that the american dream is really a nightmare and the first time i realized i love to work with children and their families.

thank you for being part of my story.

“There are many groups that have been formed to protect their own interests, to defend their own status, or to promote their own causes, but none of these is a Christian community. Instead of breaking through the walls of fear and creating a new space for God, they close themselves to real or imaginary intruders. The mystery of community is precisely that it embraces all people, whatever the individual differences may be, and allows them to live together as brothers and sisters of Christ and sons and daughters of his heavenly father.”

How I wish this was a true mark of the Christian community. I have seen this but I do not think this is the norm of the Christian community.

And on how we talk:

“But often we find that words function more as walls than as gates, more as ways to keep distance than to come close. Often-even against our own desires- we find ourselves competing with each other. We try to prove to each other that we are worth being paid attention to, that we have something to show that makes us special.”

I felt pretty called out on this.

And lastly:

“The question is not simply, ‘Where does God lead me as an individual person who tries to do his will?’ More basic and more significant is the question ‘Where does God lead us as a people?’”

This smacks Christian individualism in the face. This individualism makes me more convinced how our expressions of Christianity often are due to our culture compared to what Christ intended.

Deeper reflections to come.

“My most recent faith struggle is not one of intellect. I don’t really do that anymore. Sooner or later you figure out there are some guys who don’t believe in God and they can prove He doesn’t exist, and some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it’s about who is smarter, and honestly I don’t care. I don’t believe I will ever walk away from God for intellectual reasons. Who knows anything anyways? If I walk away from Him, and please pray that I never do, I will walk away for social reasons, identity reasons, deep emotional reasons, the same reasons that any of us do anything.”
- Blue Like Jazz

i was outraged.  what was he talking about!?!?!  living for god is powerful!  my faith isnt weak!  i just started to know what it means to live with and for god and this seemed to go against everything i stood for.

but a now, a few years later i realize that mr. ventura was right.  religion is a crutch.  it is a wheelchair.  christianity is all about dying to ourselves so we can live.  yes, we have life in its fullest, and of course there is that thing about eternal life, but it is all about us relying on christ.  seeing ourselves as were are.  finite.  messed up.  sick.  needing a doctor.

i wish it got easier.  often i see religious people act as they have it all together.  they get their seminary degree and have something to talk about and a degree to prove it.  now they “know” how to live so they can tell others how to think and how to live.  it is their duty to talk for god.  the longer they are christians, the more they seem to know what it means to be holy. 

this makes me sad.  it seems the longer i am in the faith, the easier it is for me to think i got it.  the more tempted i am to give an answer instead of truly listening to what people say.  the easier it is to choose the law over love.  the easier it is to define whom my neighbor is.  the easier it is to justify my sins. 

and the longer i live within the context of christianity, the more i begin to identify myself as the people jesus is so frusterated at in the gospels.  after being liberated by jesus i sometimes see myself in jesus’ stories as the religious oppressor.

yet, as i lean on my divine crutch, i know i am safe.  i am not safe from the people i hurt, but safe in the fact i am messed up.  i will always be messed up.  i will always mess up.  but just realizing more how i mess up and how i am messed up, gives me so much freedom to run back to god.  to further understand god’s heart.  to learn what it means to follow him.  to learn what it means to love as god loves.  to ask for forgiveness from those i sin against. 

 i need this crutch.  i have been a christian for almost eight years and i still need this doctor.  the longer i am a christian, the more i realize how much i need god.  in everything. 

religious people are really funny.  it is interesting how christians say they sin everyday, yet are so hesitant to name their sins.  they can name other people’s sins with passion, but they rarely name theirs.  and if they do name a sin, it is usually in terms of  inner formation and nondescriptive  such as having pride or not relying on God that seem accepted in christian circles instead of naming specific instances where they resisted the urgings of the holy spirit, ignored someone for their personal gain, or purposefully manipulationed a situation.  when was the last time you heard a pastor confessing their sins to a congregation? 

i pray this christmas we see how messed up we are.  as we celebrate immanuel, god amongst us, we let god into everything.  that we let god be our crutch.  that we let god be our doctor.  and that we rest in god taking care of all our mess.  no matter if we have just started to follow jesus or if we have for decades. 

and that we celebrate how messed up we are.

and just look at today for example what i ate.  i started the morning with a croissant and an espresso.  midday i had a vietnamese chicken sandwich.  then i had an asian dessert cookie thing.  then i had japanese lemon chicken.  

nowhere else do i think i could get such an authentic variety within walking distance.  mexican, el salvadorian, korean, thai, filipino, chinese, indian, pakistani, japanese, and canadian..  that doesn’t even go into the fresh seafood or the italian in north beach.  i love taking friends from home to the mall where they are amazed there is a chinese, japanese and korean place in the food court.  not that i like the food court much except for the free sushi samples almost 24/7.  

anyways, i am just dreaming of food.  la la la.  yum yum yum.

what makes me more sad is the answer.  on meet the press last sunday, thomas friedman said the answer is to get people to spend again.  his answer echos a plethora of economists.  we need people to spend money to get out of this recession.

but why do we want more people to spend?  the average person has over $8,500 of debt on their credit cards.  most college graduates have loans they are not able to pay.  and more and more people cannot even provide for their families.  yet, we want people to spend, spend and spend.  

some people/ecomists are getting excited it is christmas because that means americans will spend more.  i personally hate the thought of the average family, or any family in fact, this holiday season instead of celebrating the birth of jesus (who was homeless and had others pay his bills), worry about making their kids happy by buying them things.  how depressing is it to tell your kids you probably cant buy them most of what they want even though many of their friends at school will get something.  why does purchasing equal love so often?

the united states america is supposedly the most “christian” in the world but how can anyone say that when our economic ethics are so distant from what christ says about money.  most americans dont save.  most do not give.  we spend what we do not have.  we gauge success by material wealth.  the united states has five percent of the world’s people and consumes forty percent of the resources.  

we are a culture of consumption and consumerism.  i hope that these times will continue to expose how money is security and a god to so many people.  and i pray this economic crisis cultivates a dialogue about really matters.  how money is to serve us and not us serve money.  where we realize how much of our emotions are affected by money and how money dictates what we do with our time and who we become. 

this christmas, lets not buy what we can’t afford.  lets not buy because we are expected to buy.  lets instead give a true expression of how we feel about people, not one we wrap in wealth.  but a gift wrapped in from the heart.